I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
