I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
