This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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