i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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