I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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