Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
