I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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