I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
