Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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