Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
