is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
