i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
