forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Green mimosas i think yes
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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