false alarm. still invincible.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
