i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
