im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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