something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
