mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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