Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
