I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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