he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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