My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
