The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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