cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
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If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
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Use "feeling words"
Yay
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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