Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
