i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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