Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
