I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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