Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I party with great urgency now.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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