Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she looked like the before picture.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
