dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
