Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
