My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize