maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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