i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
