I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
