Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
