I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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