He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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