He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
