the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
