hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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