yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
