It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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