My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
