I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
