Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
