and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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