yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
