I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
