Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
