i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
