I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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