K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
