Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
