maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
