First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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