You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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