No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
