if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
