I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
