It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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