just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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