Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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