I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
