my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
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All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
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You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I want a musical about memes.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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