he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
