Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
