I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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