There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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